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What A Gamer Would Have Gotten For Christmas In 2011
2010 was a phenomenal year for gaming. It features at least three games that you could put forward as the greatest of all time and not be laughed at (Red Dead Redemption,Mass Effect 2, andSuper Mario Galaxy 2), which is a number few other years can match. Plenty of other years were great, but do they have three solid gold contenders? It’s very rare.
The fabled 2023 we all lived through as one of gaming’s finest hours would putAlan Wake 2as its number three - a critic’s choice to be sure, but in the running for best ever? I’m not sure. 2020 and 2018, other recent years given the title of Best Ever offer upAnimal Crossing: New HorizonsandSpider-Man(or possiblyCeleste) in third place. They don’t go the distance. 1997, I’ll hear you out. That’sFinal Fantasy 7,Gran Turismo, andGoldenEye 007being put forward whileCastlevania: Symphony of the Nightsits on the sidelines. An excellent vintage.
The reason I’m bringing this up is because, if you’ve read any of our Christmas prezzie throwbacks, you’ll be used to seeing a litany of great games that launched each year. Unfortunately, the hypothetical parents of this tale (yeah, it was never Santa) are not gamers. Few parents are. They don’t look at critic scores or keep up with the must-play experiences. They think of games as toys. And so, for Christmas 2010, they got you the best toy on the market. Oh, fictional child of this list, you are about to have a very unmerry Christmas indeed.
An Xbox Kinect
The guy at the store said it was the one every kid wanted! Can you believe it? You just plug it into theXbox, and it’s like a camera that lets you play a video game! Your body is the controller! That’s right, no more sitting on the couch for you, stop relaxing and start having fun!
Note: As much as I thinkXbox’s ‘all in one entertainment system’ pitch was ahead of its time, I am extremely glad the era of ‘what if playing a video game was like going to the gym and also you don’t know how to use the machines’ is well and truly over.
Kinect Adventures!
Sure, that makes sense. Can’t have a Kinect with nothing to play on it. The exclamation mark in the title oversells how much fun you’ll have with this, but Space Pop and Rally Ball are kinda good to play until your grandma loses depth perception and twists her ankle punching fake soap bubbles.
You couldn’t even get Disneyland Kinect Adventures, as that wouldn’t come out until next year when you will never want to see a Kinect game again.
Kinect Sports
Wow, they really went all in on this thing. This is just Wii Sports but worse.
MotionSports
Wait, this is justKinect Sportsbut somehow worse. What is happening?! Didn’t you at least get something practical like socks?
Yeah, that tracks.
Fable 3
WithFable 3, Your parents can’t decide what they love more - Xbox or disappointing you. One thing’s for sure, between you and your sister, they don’t struggle to pick. She gotRock Band 3and the new guitar peripheral and no, you’re not allowed to touch it unless she gives you permission. Just like she has to ask you when she wants to use the Kinect. Which she, like everyone else on the planet, never will.
Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands
Now I just feel bad for you. Maybe the reason 2010 isn’t always hailed amongst the greats is because so many ol' reliables stumbled, and your parents just happened to buy you every single one of them.
Alan Wake
Feliz Navidad, they actually got you a good one! People are gonna look at you funny when you tell them this game is amazing, but in a decade and a bit the sequel will come out and everyone will realise you were right all along. And all your sister got was a subscription toFinal Fantasy 14, ha! Like that’s ever gonna have a redemption arc for the ages.
